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Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day!

Ah, the holiday of love.  These days, I've seen just as much "Boycott V-DAY!" messages as I've seen "get your sweetie a Valentines Day gift!" messages.  But, I think Valentines Day doesn't deserve the bad name and resentment that it gets...

Issue #1: It's a holiday created by Hallmark
Actually, it's not.  It really is all about St. Valentine (and apparently a few St. Valentines at that), and Chaucer was the first to associate it with romantic love.  I can go into it more, but it's probably easier to just link over to wikipedia.  Did Hallmark actually create any holidays?  It seems like people think Hallmark has a lot more power than they actually do.  I haven't specifically looked up other holidays, but I always hear Grandparents day as being one that Hallmark created... really, if they did, would it be that bad to send your grandparents a card one more day of the year?

Issue #2: It's sad for people without Significant Others
I can sympathize.  Granted, it's been many years since I was without a significant other on Valentine's Day, but I have been there before (and I've also celebrated Valentine's Day while in a relationship that had nearly completely fallen apart and that's just as bad).  I tend to think that everyone's time will come in that area.  Chin up!  This is a great time to think about the other people that you love, even if you're not romantically involved with them.  Plan a dinner with friends or family.  Host a party of your own.  Or, don't celebrate at all... always an option :)

Issue #3: Men forget, do a bad job, or otherwise screw it up
Ladies!!  If you are out there waiting for your guy to not only remember Valentines Day, but also spend months planning the ultimate romantic evening for you without any intervention or assistance on your part...  well, you're setting yourself up for some MAJOR disappointment.  You need to do one of two things: Train him or give him some help.  Preferably, you should be doing some of both.

Dave was clueless about gifts and being romantic when we first met.  So was every boyfriend before him.  He had to be TRAINED.  I sat around for the first few years, dropping hints and being very subtle about what I wanted.  Guess what?  I was disappointed.  I had to specifically say "Hey, for Valentines Day, I'd like (fill in the blank)."  And guess what?  He did it!  Help him out, train him!  What I found was that over time, he not only listened to what I asked, but also started adding his own special touches that were romantic and sweet.  I was happy, he was happy, it was all good.  (Yes, our marriage ended, but this was truly the one area he got right).  Note: I'm specifically not mentioning Todd here because, well, he's a current relationship and blabbing about how good or bad he is in this department on a public forum is not something I wish to do.  Suffice it to say that Todd is awesome.

So, I know the response, because I've heard it.  "But, if I tell him what I want him to do, it's not as special because he's only doing it because I told him to!!"  My answer: GET OVER THAT.  FAST.  You can have a great time doing exactly what you want to do for Valentines day because you were specific about your needs and wants to your man.  Doing so, you can make it easier on both of you and you can both be wonderfully happy.  Your other option is to put in your head exactly what you want, but only "drop hints."  You can be vague on the subject and hope he knows what you mean.  Then, when he gets it wrong, you can be upset and start a big fight and ruin the day for both of you (especially him, since he won't be looking forward to next year, that's for sure!).  Men aren't mind readers.  The quicker you realize that, the better off you are.

And ANYWAY, who says this holiday is all about the men doing things for women?  How about asking your man what HE wants to do and showing him a little love?  Give the guys a break!

Issue #4: Everything is so commercial, and gifts are expensive.

Well, welcome to capitalism!

I think women need to lighten up on their men.  Don't let Zales, Jared or Debeers tell you that you need some sort of fancy jewelry to feel loved.  Just enjoy the time you spend together, because that's really what it's about.  Really.

Issue #5: Cupid scares me.
HE SCARES ME TOO!  He's a flying baby with a bow and arrow!  Does this strike anyone else as weird?

1 comment:

Sandra said...

Yeah, people overreact to the day one way or the other. Personally, it's a non-issue for me. A card and nice dinner have always been more than enough. How you treat your loved ones everyday is more important.

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