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Friday, August 15, 2008

Let's Get Something Straight.

I've read a flurry of women-centered relationship blogs over the past few months. These blogs clearly show a segment of women whose hobby is dating. This appears to be what they think about all the time. Men. And that's cool, I do my fair share of contemplating the opposite sex. It's more than that, though. They write about relationships. Their relationships. The ones that they are in. All the time.

Now, I'm not referring to a single gal who keeps us up to date periodically with a "Hey, I went out with AwesomeGuy the other night and we had a great date! Things are going well!" or a "Broke up with FairlyKindaOkMan today, but I'm comforted by Ben and his friend Jerry." And then back to talking about other things. No, I mean blogs absolutely devoted to dating and men, so much so that you really start to wonder.

Or, actually, you don't start to wonder because you know everything. You know that Bloglady went out on her first date with HappyMan on January 12, and that she was really looking forward to it. They met online just after New Years and had chatted on the phone and IM since. And she's kept you up to date on this, because she posted transcripts of the phone conversations and the IMs. So, you're pretty clear about where things stand with them. They dated for a while, they finally DID IT on the fourth date, and he was just kind of ho hum, but things have really heated up since. They had their first big fight the beginning of March, and it was about him spending too much time with his friends (more IM logs). Things were going well, but little by little you see that things are not going so well, because she gives you an updated play-by-play each and every day. Each post is followed up with 20 or so comments from various friends, relatives and blog readers who all need to chime in and throw in their opinion on whether or not BlogLady should just dump that guy or stay with him... or laugh about his lack of prowess in bed, or pretend to care that he doesn't like pasta. Or whatever.

I. don't. get. this.

PRIVATE. This stuff should be private, or AT LEAST under password. I'm out there, perusing the web, seeing all kinds of information about people I don't even know, and I wonder if the poor schmuck has any idea that his dick size is being broadcast over the inter webs (in a series of tubes!). Sure, gals have always gossiped. I get that, and I've done it. I'm more private with my current relationship than I've ever been with any other, but maybe I only babble to other girls when things are bad (or when I'm running... my running girlfriends seem to get more information about Todd and me than anyone else does).

I always wonder when these relationships go bad (because clearly there are a few that I can't help but read), if it is because the guy did a Google search and saw all of his attempts at being sensitive written about and then laughed at. I wonder if it hurts the poor guy to finally read exactly what his girl has been thinking all along. I wonder if the girls know that in fact the reason why they have so much trouble in love is that they write their troubles all over the web. They write about an argument that they had and I want to scream at them, "can't you figure this out on your own? Or at least, have a quiet conversation with a trusted friend?" Do these ladies know how many strangers might be reading this stuff? Or co-workers? Or anybody?


That was a long rant.

I write this because I'm kinda sorta breaking my own rule on this. I want to talk about my relationship, and I do so because I need people to know something:

I am not ready to get married.

I realized that we are in that sweet spot where we've been dating long enough that you can reasonably expect that we might get married, but we haven't been dating so long that we're where my mom and Vic are, which is that people have accepted that they aren't going to be getting married ever. And so, people ask. And ask. And ask. My sister is the worst of the bunch, going so far as to offer up her youngest child as a flower girl (Note: I won't have a flower girl in my next wedding).

It's not so much that I mind the questions as much as I just want to make a blanket statement so that people don't have to wonder so much - as you are clearly wondering. The closer people are to me, the less I mind people asking (once again, running friends can ask away! I seem to tell you guys everything). Recently, Todd has even gone so far as to insinuate that he was ready to go ring shopping and I had to nip that one in the bud. I think that was likely just a case of temporary insanity on his part anyway. In general, we are both on the same page on this. So, let me put out there how I feel (how WE feel) so that there is no confusion...

I not ready to get married. I am happy where I am. I think Todd is the greatest thing ever, I like being with him, I love living with him, and doing all of our fun stuff together. Todd rocks. But, neither of us have had particularly wonderful experiences with marriage so we need to take it slow. We're happy, and one of these days I'm sure we'll both be ready, but it's not now. Besides, I only JUST NOW finished changing my name.

And also... Wedding planning scares the crap out of me. I think of planning my own wedding back in 1999/2000 and I get sick to my stomach. It was a lot of work and a lot of worry (and A LOT OF DRAMA). I don't want to do it again. Are people asking me to get married because they want to go to a wedding? Bad news - it's unlikely that anyone who reads this blog will be invited to any wedding I have. I find it most likely that there won't even be an engagement. We will just come home from one of our trips and we'll have decided to get hitched while we were there. Will it be Bonaire, Belize, Honduras, Little Cayman, or some future trip not yet planned? Who knows, only time will tell.

Just needed to set the record straight. Now, ask your questions if you want.

"Well I'm telling you with 100 percent certainty that it is not the time. It's not about time, it's not the right time, it's not even quarter to the right time." --June Carter


foxdeath said...

And from that entire blog post, the only thing I really came away with is "Todd rocks"...

Wacky Neighbor said...

No real comment - I just wanted to say that we love Cake Wrecks. From Cake Wrecks, we also found the similarly hilarious Unnecessary Quotation Marks blog. Both good time wasters.

Kim said...

Agreed, cake wrecks rocks almost as much as Todd does. I will check out unnecessary quotation marks.

foxdeath said...

Since we are off subject commenting... I have a boil under my armpit that is killing me.

Hurts like hell.

Just thought I would mention this.


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