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Sunday, March 8, 2009

The Top 7 Most Klutz-Like Things I've Ever Done

  1. In Little Cayman in July, 2007, I'd had a couple gin & tonics when I decided to go to the bathroom (which was in its own building nearby).  Stumbling there in the dark, I missed the small cactus that was in the way and ended up kicking it with my right foot.  I went back to the dinner table to show todd my leg, which had cactus spines sticking out of it from my toes up to my knee.
  2. In middle school, I was pretty much on the phone non-stop.  One day while talking for hours with a friend, I was messing with some play-dough, molding it into the phone receiver.  It all got stuck inside and she couldn't hear me anymore.  My thought was that if I dried out the play dough, it would shrink and I could simply shake it out of the phone.  So, I sat the receiver on top of the halogen lamp in my room (you know, the kind that was later recalled for fire hazard).  I turned my back and the light started dimming, and when I turned back around, flames were coming from the lamp.  I grabbed the receiver, now totally engulfed in flames, and ran into the bathroom to run it under water.  It was charred and melted, but I'm fairly certain that the play dough dried out.
  3. At UMBC, we would do this thing called "Flipping our beds" which basically flipped the head and foot boards of the bed so that the bed would be high off the ground (which allowed you to store things underneath).  My bed was flipped sophomore year when my alarm went off, and I reached down to the floor to turn it off.  I fell out of bed onto the concrete floor and landed flat on my big toe, fracturing it.  My doctor told me he'd never seen anyone break a bone falling out of bed, but X-Rays don't lie.
  4. At my tenth birthday party, we went to a mini golf course.  Somewhere during the game, I decided to wash off my ball in a little fountain that spilled into a pond.  The sides of the pond were slippery and I slipped and fell in.  The pond was DISGUSTING - filled with dirt and algae, and I was covered in green and brown gook from head to toe for the rest of the party.
  5. In Bonaire in May, 2007, I decided to test my theory about diving with hair wet from fresh water keeping the salt from penetrating the hairs.  I turned on the water and filled a glass so that I could just pour it over my head (not wanting to take a full shower).  The water heated up to very hot very fast and I failed to notice, so it was SCALDING when I poured it on my head.  I screamed and succeeded in burning my scalp.
  6. In the eighth grade, I had been listening to music in my room and decided to head downstairs.  I was still singing to myself and dancing when I missed the top step and slid down the entire flight of stairs on my back.  I injured my tailbone and had trouble sitting for weeks.
  7. In the fourth grade on a trip to Dallas, my parents took me through a drive through zoo.  The zoo gave us pellets to feed the animals, and it was a lot of fun, but the monkeys were caged and wouldn't eat the pellets, but seemed to be begging for food.  In their infinite wisdom, my parents gave them packets of jelly that my mom had stashed in her purse for some unknown reason (if it was free, we took it!).  The monkeys fought over the jellies and eventually we ran out and my parents started giving them sticks of gum.  I realize this whole thing is horrible, but seemed ok at the time.  Well, the monkeys got mean and started fighting over the gum.  My parents started fighting in the front seat over the whole monkey-feeding gum process.  Suddenly, one monkey grew impatient and grabbed me by my hair (through the bars of the cage) and pulled my head into the car door.  I screamed and started crying.  This was all caught on video - me crying and saying "A monkey pulled my hair!"

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