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Thursday, February 23, 2012

The Weight Thing is Still There

I've spent the last several months (basically since April 2011) working on intuitive eating. I've been trying basically to not count calories or diet anymore. If I want cake at work because it's someones birthday, I eat cake. I pay attention to how I feel, and I eat the food that my body needs, and often what it wants. I've been pleased with the results - I first lost 6 pounds, and then I stayed within a 4-pound range of weights for 9 months. I was almost smug about my non-dieting self.

When I gained a few pounds in December, I didn't sweat it. It was part of the plan, and I was exercising like crazy. I would take the pounds off in January. And I did, briefly. I was back at the top of my prized 4-pound range right before I left for Florida to run the Walt Disney World Marathon Relay. But, when I returned, I was back up again, and I haven't been back down since. Instead, I've been staying within a new 4-pound range, where the lowest number is one number higher than my previous 4-pound range. So, I guess that means I've gained 4 pounds.

My clothes fit the same, and I've been exercising a lot. Instead of the 3 days of running that I was practicing all summer and through November, I am now doing 3 days of running (less mileage than the summer), two days of swimming, one hour weight training session and two 20-minute weight training sessions, and an hour of yoga per week. That's a lot more exercising. In fact, when I was measured at the gym, I had actually lost inches even though I'd gained pounds.

I shouldn't be concerned about this at all. According to the principles that I adopted almost a year ago, I don't care what my weight is, my body will decide at what weight I am happy and healthy. I probably shouldn't be weighing myself at all. In fact, those first couple of months last year, I only weighed myself once a month rather than daily. Still, that weight thing is still there. I still care. I still want to lose.

I've been contemplating going back on to a calorie restricted diet, counting again, doing all of that stuff. I keep telling myself it would be quick, and it would only be to lose the 4 pounds.

Why, though? I am mad at myself for even thinking about this. I mean, nobody would know that I've gained weight if I hadn't mentioned it. Like I said, my clothes still fit like they did before.

I've just got this head trauma and I wish I didn't worry about it so much. I really, truly, want to just blissfully go through life eating without worries and not caring about what I weigh or how I look. The number on the scale shouldn't matter, so why worry about it?


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1 comment:

Kovas Palubinskas said...

Intuitive eating is tough and if it's working for you, keep at it. Extra weight with all that exercise is most likely muscle - losing the four pounds just doesn't make sense to me.

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